Oh Boy!
Ok people... and by people I mean me since no one reads this. Of course they don't read it there is nothing new here to read in months. Thats what this post is about. I should have known when I started this I would lose interest in a matter of weeks. Why would it be any different than anything else in my life? I can't finish projects, I procrastinate like you wouldn't believe, and I have absolutely no self discipline. Seriously it takes a major effort on my part to stay commited to something as simple as washing the dirty dishes every day. I wish I could take a pill that made me do things I don't want to do. Ugh what is wrong with me. I now have 16 days to finish building the christmas present I was supposed to give to my brother in law LAST CHRISTMAS!!! He wasn't even my brother in law at that time. Geez...
OK besides all that crappy stuff life sucks. Recent events have caused me to be an even more bitter person than I already am. I think I let people walk all over me. I never stand up for myself. I really dont' know how I guess. My so called friends are people that have no respect for me and and simply use me. Every girl I've ever been involved with used me. I'm so bitter when it comes to people that I think I'm better off being a loner and not having many friends or relationships. It seems the proportion of good fun times to shitty times leans greatly to the shitty experiences. Even when I think of the "best" experiences I've had in my life so far, even those are marred by problems. I think I might cut back the time I spend with my "friend" Skip. He's really just a leech. Of course my true friends mainly my family and Matt have always told me Skip isn't a good friend. But for some reason I always stuck up for him. Not anymore. Hes a bastard and I hope I don't see him for a month. I'm sure when we seperate our record collection thats going to turn into a big fight over who bought what and who owns what. I'm thinking nows the time to start that catologing project. That way I can have some sort of idea of which ones are mine. Bleh a bunch of shit I don't want to deal with.
So I'm sure all this bullshit is because its the holidays... my most not favorite time of the year. I hate christmas. I hate it so much. Most people are like oh you like it, EVERYONE likes christmas and they try to tell me I should put up decorations and be merry. Well fuck you. You don't know me and how I feel so fuck off. Its a free country I can hate whatever I want. I'd rather Christmas just didn't happen. It would be so much more pleasant. Oh and don't even get me started on New Years. What a fucking joke. Every New Years since I graduated HS has been miserable. Propbably because every NY I think, ok this ones going to be great I'm going to get invited to a party or hell, I'll have a party of my own and there will be people and it will be fun. Yeah right. I never get invited anywhere, no one ever wants to come to any party I have... and I usually spend the evening by myself feeling miserable. Last New Years I went to bed at 10:00. So this year I plan on doing the same just so I don't set my self up for a huge failure again.
I only look forward to the holidays to get a few extra days off to work in my shop alone. I enjoy myself more when I'm alone in the shop with lots of problem solving to keep my mind busy. Within a few years I'm sure I will have completed my transformation into a crotchety old man that hates everything, only I will be 28. Ugh at what point did my life veer off course to this lonely existance... oh wait thats right, I've been like this for as long as I can remember... sigh
OK besides all that crappy stuff life sucks. Recent events have caused me to be an even more bitter person than I already am. I think I let people walk all over me. I never stand up for myself. I really dont' know how I guess. My so called friends are people that have no respect for me and and simply use me. Every girl I've ever been involved with used me. I'm so bitter when it comes to people that I think I'm better off being a loner and not having many friends or relationships. It seems the proportion of good fun times to shitty times leans greatly to the shitty experiences. Even when I think of the "best" experiences I've had in my life so far, even those are marred by problems. I think I might cut back the time I spend with my "friend" Skip. He's really just a leech. Of course my true friends mainly my family and Matt have always told me Skip isn't a good friend. But for some reason I always stuck up for him. Not anymore. Hes a bastard and I hope I don't see him for a month. I'm sure when we seperate our record collection thats going to turn into a big fight over who bought what and who owns what. I'm thinking nows the time to start that catologing project. That way I can have some sort of idea of which ones are mine. Bleh a bunch of shit I don't want to deal with.
So I'm sure all this bullshit is because its the holidays... my most not favorite time of the year. I hate christmas. I hate it so much. Most people are like oh you like it, EVERYONE likes christmas and they try to tell me I should put up decorations and be merry. Well fuck you. You don't know me and how I feel so fuck off. Its a free country I can hate whatever I want. I'd rather Christmas just didn't happen. It would be so much more pleasant. Oh and don't even get me started on New Years. What a fucking joke. Every New Years since I graduated HS has been miserable. Propbably because every NY I think, ok this ones going to be great I'm going to get invited to a party or hell, I'll have a party of my own and there will be people and it will be fun. Yeah right. I never get invited anywhere, no one ever wants to come to any party I have... and I usually spend the evening by myself feeling miserable. Last New Years I went to bed at 10:00. So this year I plan on doing the same just so I don't set my self up for a huge failure again.
I only look forward to the holidays to get a few extra days off to work in my shop alone. I enjoy myself more when I'm alone in the shop with lots of problem solving to keep my mind busy. Within a few years I'm sure I will have completed my transformation into a crotchety old man that hates everything, only I will be 28. Ugh at what point did my life veer off course to this lonely existance... oh wait thats right, I've been like this for as long as I can remember... sigh
posted by Kent at 8:48 AM
1 Comments:
One one hand, I was glad to see you were back. On the other...I'm sorry it has been so rough for you! I read a lot of myself in this post. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass, keeping up with a blog; but, sometimes it's a great place to just "barf" up some anger and get it out of your system. Uch. Imagery. Sorry.
I don't care too much for Christmas, either. I'm selfish and poor, so how can I get too jazzed up about a holiday where I'm supposed to give gifts to people??
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